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September 24, 2007

My whole belief system is destroyed

Since I was the age of 5, I have always held 2 things to be completely and utterly the truth. Recently I found that, in fact, this was not the case.

It all came about one day while at work. It was a normal day in Houston. Hot, yet exciting. I quickly got dressed after waking, left to work, badged into the parking garage, walked to the elevators, badged in at the elevator, rode the elevator up to the floor, got out, badged into the doors, and got to my desk.

It was at this point that I realized that I was hungry. I discussed this with a coworker, as I typically did when hungry in the early morning in order to gather a large list of foodings to gather for the people there, in order to make a single trip.

However, on this occasion, I was shocked. The person I spoke with, we'll call him "Chad", because that's his name, Chad said to me "Why not try a plum?". He of course was referring to the fruit bowl located in the kitchen area. I retorted to him "My god man, that's purple fruit!".

This is when I revealed to him my dark past. For I, along with tens of others (my rough estimate, based on a poll in first grade) had decided long ago that...

Yellow and Purple Fruits and Vegetables are the Greatest Evil known to Man.

After this rebuttal to a seemingly innocent suggestion, Chad responded with "What about eggplant?" I responded with "Tried it, evil."

"Squash?" "Ugh" "No corn?" "No, corn is disgusting." "What about grapes?"

This was indeed a valid question. I quickly said "I love grapes. Green grapes. However, purple grapes taste different, and I tend to avoid them."

He then told me to "Just eat the damned plum." So I did.

My god.

The experience of trying the plum sent shock waves through me. The plum was sweet, but not too sweet. It had substance to it. In fact, it was as good as a kiwi fruit. Had my boyhood friends lied to me about the evils of yellow and purple fruits and vegetables?!

I expressed my disbelief for days after. Shortly after that, I came to realize this:

Yellow Fruits and Vegetables are the root of All Evil. Some Purple Fruits and Vegetables are the Armies of Darkness

I explained this to Chad. He responded that he had work to be done, and no time for such silliness, but I could see in his eyes that he, in fact, was in agreement. He knew the Yellow and Purple ones were listening.

Soon we will need to strike down all of the Yellow and Purple Fruits and Vegetables who oppose human kind. Will you join the struggle, or will you sit on the sidelines eating your yogurt?